Love and grief.

I saw a statement that said,” Grief is love that has nowhere to go.” As I bring myself to pen this down, you should know that this has been just a series of thoughts. However, I hope that you can make sense of it.

Love. Hasn’t this word made the world go mad. So to state the obvious, there is an inherent need in humanity to love and be loved. And isn’t love beautiful? Isn’t it a sight to behold, to see love in display? And I’m not just talking about how God has loved us. It is beautiful to even see love of one human to another. This is what I want us to consider. As beautiful as all this is, yet oh what a fearful thing, to love what death can touch.

You see, everyone you love has a 100% chance of dying, at least if Christ would not have come. This is not a threat. People don’t want to hear this obvious truth. We intentionally choose ignorance when it comes to this. But I don’t believe in the bliss of ignorance. Truth is not comfortable but it is always liberating.

So what I’m I suggesting? That we don’t love? Verily not! But I want us to love with understanding. To love acknowledging the vulnerability which love exposes us to. Human life as it is is slippery. And as it stands, the more you tighten your grip on something slippery, the easier you lose hold of it.

With that being said, grief seems inevitable. Grief is not easy. Sometimes you feel like the pain would kill you. And even after you move from the constant state of grieving to the once in a while, when it comes, it is still quite painful. Even so, there is a danger that comes with grief or looming death… This is what I’m addressing today.

Atul Gawande, in a speech about his book, “Being mortal” does an extensive study on what really matters in the end. He explains in a particular study, people who are pre-informed about their death( like in cases of chronic illnesses), would want more to gravitate towards closeness with the people they love. I am suggesting that grief can also do this to you. Grief can either draw you closer to your loved ones or some people tend to now fear getting attached, that is they detach for fear of getting hurt.

But to love out of fear is not to love at all. To love out of fear is to grip on something slippery, which might cause you to likely lose than gain. There is no joy in loving because you’re afraid of losing. It will instead cause anxiety and more anguish to the heart.

KJV 1 John 4
18 There is no fear in love; but perfect love casteth out fear: because fear hath torment. He that feareth is not made perfect in love.

So what do you do?

True love has its source from He who is love. And we can only love because He has loved us(1John 4:19). So He chooses to love with all its vulnerability. When we love out of fear, we seek our own;we are afraid of our own hearts. True love seeks not its own. Then we must ask that He teaches us how to love.

The Christian hope of resurrection has been a constant comfort in grief. However, to be honest, it has been hard for me. Why? Because truly, I don’t know if my loved ones that slept, slept in the Lord. I still have hope by the mere fact that I’m alive, but for them, the pen of history is dry. The only comfort I have found is judgement. Judgement? Yes. I have found comfort in entrusting their judgement to Him who is both just and loving and knowing that He loves them more than I did.

I conclude with the words of this song, that have brought healing balm;

“Oh my soul, claim nothing as your own. For you, their is God, and God alone!“