About

I’m seated in this office, mildly tensed. I’ve already received my first constructive feedback and I’ve not even been here 20 mins. It’s an interesting morning honestly; stood in line for a bus for almost 20 mins, my bag’s sling broke on my way there, then traffic, the anxiety of rejection. You should have seen me mutter a prayer asking for grace before I knocked on the door to this office. In the bus, I questioned my desire to be in the corporate world (sorry dad).

But reader, mark you, I prayed for this. Yet now I’m anxious and doubtful. “Shouldn’t you be grateful?” I know, I know. I should be jumping for joy, I should be quoting Psalm 30:11. But if I’m sincere, that’s not the attitude of my heart.

You see, we pray for blessings,  and what do we expect? A tideless sea, light for the whole staircase, smooth sailings and certainty. But I promise you, the only thing I’m certain of is that I need God now, more than ever.

You should grow up. Hold your head up, and walk in that room like God sent you there! You are the daughter of a King!( Insert other affirmations we tell ourselves).

But what is growing up?

I am not an expert at this. I’m at amateur level, but let me tell youuu..I’m learning and sharing my drop in the ocean of an experience so that you don’t have to walk alone.

The lie of growing up is independence. You can do this alone. The lie of blessings is that they are mutually exclusive with burdens.

Friend, God’s blessings are never to make us independent of Him. I think, God gives us gifts too big for us to carry on our own. We need friends, we need society, we need Him.

I need to finish writing this blog and text a few people and ask them to pray for me. They may have faith that I’ll need to borrow. That’s growing up; at least that’s how it looks like from this little corner of mine.

KJV Psalms 121
1 I will lift up mine eyes unto the hills, from whence cometh my help.
2 My help cometh from the LORD, which made heaven and earth.

I was listening to a podcast today. This lady, Joanna Meyer was being interviewed and she talked about the grief of unmet desires. She’s in her 40s, single as a pringle and underwent a medical procedure to have her uterus removed due to fibroids. She will never be able to have biological children even if she does get married. She expected to be married by now with children of her own. Her circle of friends had expected her to be the first one down the aisle. On top of that, she is a Christian and we all know the stereotypical culture that assails especially women regarding family life.

“What desires do I have? Are they achievable? I’m I ready for the type of grief that comes with not achieving them? What’s the point of having desires that cannot be met? How do I condition myself to have only achievable ones?”

These are all questions that have been streaming my mind since then. I strive to avoid pain at all costs. But who likes pain anyway? Who enjoys dissapointment and grief and failure? I’m going to guess no one…

Yet you see, the above scenario can happen to anyone. A child’s family is poor and can’t afford that University fee for him to do aviation, he has to settle for farming. She never found a spouse to build a family, pursue homemaking and has to make peace with a corporate career and a cat for company at home…you decide the person and the desire… Things happen.

But to my set of questions earlier, there are really two options. I don’t have the luxury of certainty. I either just acknowledge and allow desires yet run the risk of grief if they are unmet or live dreamless, unmotivated, without desires. To be honest the latter is a myth, but hey, I could play pretend…

Even so, I am reminded of this verse:

KJV Philippians 4
8 Finally, brethren, whatsoever things are true, whatsoever things are honest, whatsoever things are just, whatsoever things are pure, whatsoever things are lovely, whatsoever things are of good report; if there be any virtue, and if there be any praise, think on these things.

If my desires pass the above test, God says, think upon them. I was sharing these thoughts with a friend and she reminded me of this quote:

Higher than the highest human thought can reach is God’s ideal for His children. Ed 18.4

Reader, we have not been given a spirit of fear. We must live by faith.

This is not to mean that we will always get what we want. No. This world as it is- broken, sinful, imperfect- was not God’s ideal. Faith does not mitigate risks, but faith will help you trust that God works all things (including the bad and the painful), for your good.

There will be losses, eternal ones even. We may desire to have our loved ones saved. We may preach and pray for them. God can do all it takes. But if they do not choose salvation they won’t be saved. They’ll be lost eternally. Your desire was noble, and God will say to you as he said to David when he could not build a House for Him, ” You did well, because it was within your heart.“(2Chronicles 6:8)

You see dear reader, as I tremble at the thought of all my desires that may see no fruition and as I grieve the ones that already died prematurely I am reminded and comforted by this quote by Fyodor Dostoevsky:

I believe like a child that suffering will be healed and made up for…that in the world’s finale, at the moment of eternal harmony, something so precious will come to pass that it will suffice for all hearts...

So I will desire. We will all either wear out or rust out. I choose to wear out.

And if in my pursuit of noble desires I should meet dissapointment, well,God will give grace for grief.

Dear afflicted soul;

▪︎ I would like to foremost affirm that there is a lot of pain in the world. I do not know what assails you, but I do acknowledge that pain and suffering are real. Even so, I truly, firmly and continually believe that what hurts humanity most is a false picture of God. In your time of distress, what ideology of God do you bear? Is He indifferent to your pain? Is He the inflictor of it? If this is our backdrop, then we bear more pain than we ought.

I implore you to inform your perception of God by His own testimony of Himself(that is His word). His word says; He pities us and understands us (Psalm 103:13, 14), He bears our grief and sorrows (Isaiah 53:4), etc… A correct knowledge of God- intellectual and experiential- is your first and fundamental step to healing.

▪︎ “We suffer because we must?” Well, I agree and I’ll explain; when the Israelites set off from Egypt under Divine guidance, they we led down the path through to the wilderness. And inspiration records:

The path where God leads the way may lie through the desert or the sea, but it is a safe path. PP 290.3

When we have made the Lord our guide, He does not say the path will be painless, but it will always be safe. The promise is that the fire is not to consume but rather to refine. Our trials are God’s workmen in the refinement of our character after His likeness, but they are metted out through sieves of grace that we are able to endure. If God has led, the path is safe; go forward!

If tribulation and pain are a necessary element in redemption we must anticipate that they will never cease till God sees the world to be either redeemed or no further redeemable. God, who foresaw your tribulation has specially armed you to go through it; not without pain but without stain.

▪︎ Lastly if we are all to be honest; we do not desire non-existence, we desire to exist without pain. We actually do not get to enjoy the luxury of death and what that means is we only appreciate joy and rest in consciousness. And guess what, God is working on it. He says:

KJV John 10
10 The thief cometh not, but for to steal, and to kill, and to destroy: I am come that they might have life, and that they might have it more abundantly.

Holiness and happiness are inseparable. God has to work out in us righteousness fully if our joy is to be full. Cooperate with God; Be patient with God.

Friend;

Jesus prophesied pain but promised peace,
He assured for your trials an insured triumph,
There’s a glory after this groaning.

Hold fast.

I believed in light, stronger than how the sun brights the sky.
I believed in love; that seeks and clings and longs to be nigh.
I believed in life; that’s growing, in knowing and soaring higher than eagles fly.

But I not only believed; I craved,
With yearnings stronger than the grave.
And so like a hound I sought,
Oh friend, my quest was not for nought.

First I settled for light meager like the twinkling of stars,
Then the love I found only left me with scars,
And I only knew a life of fleeting lusts that had me in chains; behind its bars.

These things did shake me to my core,
Left me in brokenness but yearning for more.
Yet now I realize my folly,
Listen; that’s not the end of the story..

I sought for things inanimate,
Things found only in a Man I met.
I knew not I needed a Person,
Who is light, love, life!; I’ve learnt my lesson.


I believe in Jesus: the Sun of Righteousness,
He is love: chasing, engulfing, a Lover dauntless,
And He is life in its abundance and fullness.

I believe in Jesus.

“I’m going to die alone,” said the random , intrusive thought in my head. My answer now rationally is yes, of course. Who shares a casket dear, anxious heart? But yes, I know that’s not exactly cause of anxiety. So my second answer will be, yes, you will in the literal sense die alone but you are not living alone. I can explain:

In the recent past I have been relishing and thriving in amazing friendships. Its been good, its been awesome, its become a chorus. Daisy, what are you grateful for?– My friends. Daisy, what’s your testimony?– Amazing friends/ God answered my friend’s prayers. And I still am, but welllll….

It gets interesting now. “My friends ” are no longer a 10-minute drive away, not even easily a phone call away. Life is getting a bit busy, for them and for me. So yesterday I was telling my sister, Oh, I no longer have friends because her best friend is a stone-throw away. And recently I was telling God the same thing. You know what God said! God said, “Okay child, fair enough. But bytheway, what happened to Jesus?” So I’ve stopped in my tracks, and knew, oh, it’s lesson time here, and well, when God is your teacher, it’s going to be a good one. Not easy, but good. And here is what I’m learning:

God understands our need for companionship. He gets it’s a necessity. His word says:

KJV Genesis 2
18 And the Lord God said, It is not good that the man should be alone; I will make him a help meet for him.

And yes, this is relevant for all relationships not merely marriage. So yes, God does not invalidate our needs. He understands and seeks to make provision for them. The problem however comes when we love the gift more than the Giver. This is the definition of idolatry.

You see, “Every good and every perfect gift is from above,”(James 1:17) and is designed to lift our chins up to see, glorify and love the Giver- including our beautiful relationships. Consider this:

Through the things of nature, and the deepest and tenderest earthly ties that human hearts can know, He has sought to reveal Himself to us. SC 10.3

And so God has to do something lest these gifts start to become a curse:

In His mercy and faithfulness, God often permits those in whom we place confidence to fail us in order that we may learn the folly of trusting in man and making flesh our arm.GW 476.6

Now this has been manifesting in my life through various ways: All of a sudden I feel people are busy, all of a sudden I have problems only God can relate to, all of a sudden others are going abroad, ah😅. Lessons with God; good but not easy.

But I’ll say this, God does not call us to follow Him then forsake us. If we surrender our lives to His service, we can never be placed in a position for which God has not made provision. COL 173.1

It has been liberating. It has been freeing me from having Godlike expectations for my human friends. My friends can be present for me but they cannot be Omnipresent. They can know me but to the extent to which I am willing to reveal because they are not Omniscient:-they can’t read my mind and get notified that, “Oh, Daisy is discouraged. This is the exact verse that will encourage her.” No. That’s a God thing. They have very limited power to solve my problems because they are not Omnipotent. Omniscient, Omnipresent, Omnipotent; yeah those are only found in a friendship with Jesus.

I may die alone, but I’m not living alone-ever. We are not alone, God is with us. That’s why He’s called Immanuel.

Today, I thanked God,
That I have a friend in you;
A friend like you.

So a voice intruded and asked,
What could you give?
Because I don’t think you deserve,
A friend in them,
A friend like them.

So I thought long and hard
On how to return,
All the pleasures I’ve found
In this bond of love.

A trip to the Maldives?
My pockets said no!
A balm for all your grief,
But I’m no doctor, you know..

I’m not perfect,
But I’m trying
Ah, I’ll always be there;
No, I’d be lying.

I’m sorry dear friend,
I know I’ve not been the best,
But this is what I know,
How my love I have shown:

That when you have fallen short,
In those days that only rain wrought;
I prayed.

When my strength was gone,
And you had to walk alone;
I prayed.

I have prayed for you,
Because I’m not the perfect friend;
But I know the One who is.

So my friend,
If they ask you if I was a perfect friend,
Tell them; No! But at least she prayed.

We know how the story ends,
If Jesus is Saviour and Friend:
That there’s no condemnation,
But victory and salvation.

As the shadows grow dark with mystery,
And your heart is all pain and misery,
Look up to the uplifted tree,
Where the bound and broken are freed.

Slow down, sit in stillness,
Watch He how wields your weakness,
To reveal His bright glory,
And make beautiful your marred story.

We know how the story ends,
How the narrative to bliss bends,
But meanwhile there is grace,
As Jesus prepares for you a place.

“The world is wild: Eyes up child.”

When is the last time you went outside and looked up? I tried it. I went outside and I looked, up, down and all around; I’m here to tell you what I found.

As I considered these things, many thoughts crossed my mind:

I remembered how, just a few days ago I went to church. I looked and saw the trees all around and we had to stop and marvel. Some had their trunks twisted and turned in the most interesting fashion only to make beautiful canopy at the top. Some just went straight up, standing bold and tall. And as we sat that day under the sanctuary of nature, I couldn’t help but look up. And I saw just how the umbrella of branches and leaves covered us from hot scorch of January sun. Often, the breeze would blow, and beat modern, man-made air conditioning while shaking the branches of the trees around so the leaves would fall on us.

I remembered how I got home after a sad day and looked up. And I saw the most amazing sunset. I got a bit angry that God had the time to beautify the earth thinking that instead nature should be gloomy and groan with me. But I know it did wrought a healing balm. And I can’t tell you how many times I have had to steal away at the end of the day just to watch the sun set. Because I know that when I see it die into the western horizon, and how the scanty cotton-like clouds are painted in its golden tint, it does something to my soul.

But time would fail me to write how even the sky looks at night. How the stars twinkle in their meager white light, but because the sky is black, I can see them shine. How the wayside flower is alloyed in most charming colours and fragrant perfumes only to go unnoticed or wither the next day.

On that night, as I considered these things, I was led to a higher look. I was led to the throne of the One behind these things. And I marvelled at the thought of the Creator. A God who holds the whole universe in place, but has time to paint the sky with beauty and the flowers with charm. Who is in the middle of a great controversy but has time to put flavour in mangoes and grapes and decide the tilt of our nose, the arch of our lips and the complexion of our skin. “God is good!” I exclaimed, and grew deeper in love with Him.

However, almost immediately I remembered the state of the world. I recalled how many times I walked to school only to see children less than half my age beg for meager bread. I rembered the excruciating pain when my loved ones were taken away by death. Even here, time would fail me to tell of atrocities like the Rwandan genocide, the war in Ukraine, the sick down my street, the unjustly treated, the lady raped multiply by men she thought she could trust and the list continues…

Where was God? David Asscherick made this statement, ” Everything that God does is an act of love, but not everything that happens is an act of God.” I believe that. I receive that. Yet I still shuddered to think that He would allow these things. Would I still believe if my dearest on earth was taken away, if I was not assured of the stability of a job after school or whatever stability looks like, if I lost everything and everyone in a day,Job, remember? Would I trust? Yes, God did not cause these things, but how could He allow?

I don’t have all the answers. And sometimes we need healing more than answers. But God did assure me of these two things:

KJV Romans 8
32 He that spared not his own Son, but delivered him up for us all, how shall he not with him also freely give us all things?

We serve a God that was willing to die eternally than spend eternity without us. He despised the shame and pain of the cross if it would mean that we are saved. Ultimately, the Cross is the insurance to our assurance that God is for us. I may not understand all things, but this I know, God is on my side.

And the second thing is this, that God will add grace when it is needed. His mercies are new every morning. And as the day, so the strength He giveth His own. One day at a time. If He shall bid me bear some pain or grief, then He shall enable me bear it, for His biddings are enablings.

Reader, we can trust this type of God.

We shall overcome!
What other word can the troubled calm,
And be to the pilgrim a healing balm.

We shall overcome!
We shall raise victory’s palms,
And sing Moses’ and the Lamb’s psalm.

We shall overcome!
For God provided a Lamb,
Our Salvation to confirm.

We shall overcome!
For we’re held in Omnipotent arms,
And His elect, none can harm.

We shall overcome!
Oh in this hope be firm,
For soon our Saviour shall come.

Hello child,
It’s been a while
I know, I know; the world is wild,
You have been busy,
I understand, its not easy.
But I also see you’re tired.
Your spirit is burnt not fired.

You can’t see the way,
And it’s even harder to pray,
Because I always seem to delay,
And you’re left in disarray.

You’ve come too far to look back,
But the way ahead is foggy and black.
So yes, stop.
And all your plans drop.
Be still,
Let me speak, for you are weak,
And you don’t know my will.

Child I have plans,
To prosper and not to harm.
And though the world quakes or burns,
You’re held in everlasting arms.

I am your Father,
And we’re stronger far together.
You don’t have to try, my hands to pry.
I am willing to give,
If only you would receive.

So Child, Let.

Let me live in your heart; to have and to hold and never part.(Rev 3:20).
Let me be your strength instead of giving you strength.(2 Corinth. 12:9-10).
Let me heal you from lies with truth that never changes or dies.(John 8:32).
Oh child, all I need you to do,
Is let me love you.( John 3:16).