Author: Soulsunshine.

I was peacefully munching down my supper with my mind, God knows where. Then I was hit by a, “Daisy you’re supposed to be helping us make sense of this.” My folks were watching the news; a budget team of sorts trying to explain why national expenditure is exceeding revenue. For context, my degree is in economics and finance aaand I graduated so I’m supposed to be all smart and stuff. I looked at my dad to assess whether he expected me to give a professional diagnosis of the situation. I don’t think so.

However, deep down, I thought how I would have loved to be in that room, brought in as an economist to give a strategic plan on how to move forward. I would have just loved to mount that stage after my professional credentials being read out and told the people, “Haya, repeat after me: Lord Jesus…” Basically lead them through the sinner’s prayer, hand them each a Steps to Christ and we could come back in maybe a month to discuss policies.

Yes guys, I know its not entirely practical. But a girl can dream.

All the same, there’s point I’m getting at. A peril, infact. That particularly as Christians, we may be tending to a mindset that sees the solutions of life’s problems in outward systems, policies and I’ll say it, even science.

When we see an overtly selfish, self-centered person nowadays we call them a narcissist not a sinner. The result of that diagnosis is that they go to therapy and not Jesus. That’s a problem.

No, I’m not against therapy or science or systems. Instead, I believe:

The foundation of all true science is contained in the Bible.  COL 107.3

I look at the legislative landscape as not lacking in mere policies. I see it lacking in:

…Men who will not be bought or sold, men who in their inmost souls are true and honest, men who do not fear to call sin by its right name, men whose conscience is as true to duty as the needle to the pole, men who will stand for the right though the heavens fall. Ed 57.3

And yes,

Education, culture, the exercise of the will, human effort, all have their proper sphere, but here they are powerless. They may produce an outward correctness of behavior, but they cannot change the heart; they cannot purify the springs of life. SC 18.1

If we have a problem with the fruit, maybe we need a different seed.

Of course this piece presupposes you are a Christian. If not, you need an entirely different article. But if we are Christians, we need to start acting like it. Like we believe what our Bible says:

KJV Proverbs 4
23 Keep thy heart with all diligence; for out of it are the issues of life.

KJV Jeremiah 13
23 Can the Ethiopian change his skin, or the leopard his spots? then may ye also do good, that are accustomed to do evil.

We need to be saying this to the world a bit more- no, a lot more- that:

KJV John 1
29…Behold the Lamb of God, which taketh away the sin of the world.

Jesus is the answer is my conclusion of the matter. But the prophet said it better:

The gospel is a wonderful simplifier of life’s problems.  MH 363.1

This article is being written on the day Andrew Mountbatten-Windsor, formerly know as Prince Andrew, was arrested to be investigated under suspicion of misconduct in public office following the recent release of the Epstein files. Now, the first thing I’ll say on this is just how betrayed I feel by the rhetoric I had in my brain of what a prince is like because of the Disney fairytales I watched. And that’s all I’ll say on that.

I would have you know that this blog has been in the works for a while now. It all started with a post that ticked me off after Albert Ojwang’s controversial death. The official reports suggested that he’d died of suicide but the masses disagreed, to put it lightly. The post, sympathetic to the feeling of the masses, said and I quote:

No amount of justice could make up for this.

Admittedly, in my own brushes with mistreatment, I have shared in this sentiment. But it usually lasts for a fleeting season not because I avoided it; oh no! Avoidance doesn’t work on me, more so on this. Rather, I believe this is a life and death matter. Because, walk with me here:

If a good and Omnipotent God doesn’t exist and as Neal Degrasse Tyson said, ‘the universe is blind to our sorrows and indifferent to our pain‘ or as Deists believe, ‘God exists but He’s simply uninvolved in human affairs,‘ then guys, what’s the point? Why endure it? Why not just choose death? There’s no retribution, accountability or redemption? I’m sorry but I’d rather die then.

But I’m still here. Which means I have reasons to believe that those things exist; retribution, accountability, redemption. Infact in the words of Fyodor Dostoevesky:

I believe like a child that suffering will be healed and made up for…that in the world’s finale, at the moment of eternal harmony,  something so precious will happen that it will suffice for all hearts…

I believe like a child!

The atrocities that have been committed in this world are beyond human computation. I have spent this week reeling in rage for just a fraction of them.  I have cried with people on the other side of the screen who I literally don’t know. There is so much groaning going on. Even in inanimate creation; because what’s up with thorns on roses shuwally? Ah. Quite frankly, anyone who suffers this world to go on any longer for mere material ambition is either terribly ignorant or completely heartless.

The more mind-boggling thing however, is how so many people can live without hope. It seems to me that there is either deep-seated  hope in people or the suicide rates ought to be higher than they actually are. I don’t know, that’s just me trying to make sense of that phenomenon. But what I do know, is I have so much hope in my life.

This is where I want to make a caveat: I do not relish in the destruction of the wicked. That is one of the avenues of justice; not the only one. There is another way: the cross.

At the cross, I face the reality that I am both victim and villain. Yet by the greatest injustice in history- the killing of God- justice has been satisfied. Every offender, which is us all, simply deserves death. That is how seriously God takes the mistreatment of His children. But Christ, willingly takes the penalty:

KJV John 3
16 For God so loved the world, that he gave his only begotten Son, that whosoever believeth in him should not perish, but have everlasting life.

Everyone who receives this can be forgiven. And not only that; by God’s grace, they deeply regret what they’ve done and turn from it. It’s called repentance. Ah, isn’t it beautiful?

KJV 2 Peter 3
9 The Lord is not slack concerning his promise, as some men count slackness; but is longsuffering to us-ward, not willing that any should perish, but that all should come to repentance.

But to all who slight this immeasurably gracious provision,

KJV Hebrews 10
26 …there remaineth no more sacrifice for sins,
27 But a certain fearful looking for of judgment and fiery indignation, which shall devour the adversaries.

Under the meticulous supervision of my loving God, nothing slips through the cracks and noone is above the law. A couple of months ago, God reminded me of someone I had hurt more than 10 years ago. I had to go and ask for forgiveness. Because of the cross, I could be forgiven.

I yield with this:

The arc of the moral universe is long, but it bends towards justice.
~ Dr. Martin Luther King Jr.

It was not amusing at all. Scene: I had just gotten home. My 11-year-old brother is sitting right next to me scrolling on YouTube shorts. On his phone. In full view of at least three adults.

I was absolutely appalled. And if you don’t see how this is disconcerting, I honestly don’t know help you. O yes, I hate to break it to y’all but I am not the cool, nonchalant, big sister; I’m the deputy parent type. And so I sprang into action: explained to my brother the peril he was in, disabled YouTube with his consent and called my parents to a discussion on further measures.

Speaking about parents…these same parents wouldn’t allow me have a phone in high school. I tried everything: begging, psychological manipulation…uhm, we’ll leave at that. You already know too much.

In any case, I’ve realized my high school self wouldn’t want me, as at now, as a parent. I thought my parents were uptight but the apple doesn’t fall far from the tree does it? Wahenga were on to something there.

I know up to now I’ve made it sound like I’m pretty mature. I’m not too sure. Our 11-year-old receives constructive feedback  better than I do. I kick and scream at least 98% of the time when God says no to my plans. And there’s been a lot of kicking and screaming this year lemme tell ya. This past week actually. God is currently trying to get me off milk. But God, what happens to ice-cream? And Wild berries Delamere yoghurt? Ah. You see? Kicking and screaming.

But I am learning to give it time. To trust and obey. God is good Father.

KJV Psalms 84
11…no good thing will he withhold from them that walk uprightly.

As we lay the year to rest, I see how He has led me. Tantrums notwithstanding, He has led me well. And in so many ways I see that if we were to go back, I would have it no other way; except to have trusted more. Just like the phone drama.

God never leads His children otherwise than they would choose to be led, if they could see the end from the beginning, and discern the glory of the purpose which they are fulfilling as co-workers with Him. DA 224.5

I’m writing this as I’m having brunch alone in the middle of town on a Thursday. No, solo dates are not my thing. I’d rather be locked up in my room and having a homemade meal. No, it’s not a case of being stood up by a date either. None of those. I’m here because I missed my photoshoot appointment. I also don’t do that… And by ‘that’ I mean: photoshoots and missing appointments… But let’s talk about the latter first…

I woke up at 4:30 a.m. The night prior I had done all my time estimations: a one hour devotion and then there’s the showering but most importantly, the hair. The hair! Ah, if you know, you know. I even accounted for metro queues and traffic… What I didn’t remember is this is graduation season. There was traffic nearly to a standstill…But I’m just a girl. I tried my best, I promise.

Suffice it to say, I couldn’t make it. I was almost an hour late. My contact person from the studio requested to reschedule to 2:30 p.m. This is after I was 400m to the place. I took a cab back to town and resolved to go home after.

You see, back to my first point, photoshoots aren’t exactly my thing. This wasn’t my idea. It also isn’t on my bill. My friend insisted I do it and paid for it. But even after that, I had to call up another friend to convince me to book the session last night. The resolve to go home is easy for me. I’m not even that upset about the deposit I already paid. And don’t get me wrong; I respect my friend’s money, perhaps even more than mine. But I want to go home.

All this hullabaloo is over graduation. Yes, my folks are going to be part of the reason for the added traffic I was complaining about. My friends are excited about me graduating. My mom? Ecstatic. And she’s travelling six hours to see it.

Me on the other hand… Well, I’m not ungrateful. It’s more of relief than excitement for me honestly…mixed with a little bit of good riddance. School has been like a really long rolercoster ride. It’s fun at first and then at some point, you feel like you’re going to throw up and begging that it stops.

This graduation should have been two years ago. Methinks that’s why everyone is excited that it has finally come to pass. But it’s the same reason why I am not. Interesting how the same thing can illicit polar-opposite reactions.

But I’ll tell you what, I concede. I give in to this weird excitement around me. That’s why I’m seated in this restaurant  eating awkwardly slowly. I’m waiting for 2:30 p.m. I’ll go back to that studio. I’ll take the photos. If not for anything, then for my happy community. They have prayed with me. They have cried with me. How could I not allow them to be happy? Will the devil surely steal everything from us?

And I’ll make that my last point. The devil wasn’t trying to steal my degree. He doesn’t need it. He was after my faith. But here I am. I’m still standing. My faith? Stronger than ever. And there’s no crazy, big job and salary waiting for me. There are no eloquent, 10 point answers on why things have had to be this way. But I’ve got God. I’m good.

After this hard and protracted season, I’m not proud to have gained a degree. I’m proud of a faith that has grown, a community that’s fireproof and a closer walk with God. So yes, let’s celebrate. Cheers!

KJV Romans 5
3 And not only so, but we glory in tribulations also: knowing that tribulation worketh patience;
4 And patience, experience; and experience, hope:
5 And hope maketh not ashamed; because the love of God is shed abroad in our hearts by the Holy Ghost which is given unto us.

Apparently this is a risky thing to believe. Infact, I am currently banned from saying this in a number of my friendships. So allow me start with the clause:

This statement should not be used to cancel people and or avoid working through hardships in our relationships. Relational resilience terms and conditions apply.

With that out of the way, let’s talk about death. It’s already been on our tongues. Especially if you’re a Kenyan reading this piece at the time of its release. But I am not about to eulogize Raila nor give you a study about the state of the dead, though the latter is quite tempting.

Death; quite a common phenomenon. Interestingly we are often rather ruffled when it happens, especially close to home. And that’s putting it lightly. Are we usually under some subconscious delusion that our people are immortal? What’s going on?

Instead of me waxing philosophical, how about a bible verse?

NLT Ecclesiastes 3
11 Yet God has made everything beautiful for its own time. He has planted eternity in the human heart…

It didn’t say He has planted eternity in the heart of Christians. It said the human heart. And if we won’t go for it in God we’ll go for it somewhere. Hence the ongoing transhumanism movement; this deep-seated desire to live forever but, without God. The microwaved version of the Tower of Babel. Dr. Aaron Kheriaty calls it, that’s transhumanism, Salvation by Science and Technology.

Admittedly, now and then, even as a Christian, I’ll graple with the fear of losing ‘my people’. I want us all to live forever. There are sleepovers, phone calls, discussions, walks, etc…that I want to last forever. Then it hit me: ‘we’ll catch up in eternity’. Eternity is a legitimate desire and such a thing exists. God has made provision. Lewis would say: Creatures are not born with desires unless satisfaction for those desires exists. If I sound a bit cheesy I think that’s, well, a you problem. You don’t love deeply, do you?😅 ( Seriously, are you okay?😅)

Again, this does not lessen the import of living life to its fullness on this side of eternity. Quite the opposite. You see, eternity is a place you can’t be towed into. You don’t accidentally slide in. And this is where we land this plane-

In my musings about death, about catching up in eternity this is where I have landed;

That it starts with me. Am I securing my eternity? Can the people around me rest in the thought that we’ll have another chance to make up for what’s lost on this side? I’m working on that. And all that anxiety whether my people are doing the same, well, I’m channeling that energy into intercession.

KJV Philippians 2
13 For it is God which worketh in you both to will and to do of his good pleasure.

KJV Philippians 1
6 Being confident of this very thing, that he which hath begun a good work in you will perform it until the day of Jesus Christ:

So yes, that’s on death for me. But the implications are obviously so much more:- I met a new person recently and she said, Where have you been my whole life? The feeling was mutual. We have a whole lifetime to catch up on you see. And there are too many variations of this. I am at liberty to love deeply and when necessary, to let go freely. Why?

Say it with me now: We’ll catch up in eternity! And to be honest, I don’t think it’s far away.😊

How cheering is the Christian’s hope, While toiling here below! It buoys us up while passing through This wilderness of woe, It buoys us up while this passing through This wilderness of woe.

I’ve sailed this sea too long,
To doubt my Captain now.
Yes, the waves are getting strong,
But He’s still in control somehow.
And so as He urges an advance,
While not calming the raging waters;
Just to catch in the end His glance,
I’ll obey my Captain’s orders.

~Soulsunshine.

The path where God leads the way may lie through the desert or the sea, but it is a safe path. PP 290.3

I recently attended Sabbath fellowship at a certain school. After the sermon the pastor made a baptism appeal. There was nothing emotional about that appeal but I just remember seeing this multitude of students go upfront. Now usually, when this happens I’d be in tears; tears of joy. But not this time. It was still a solemn moment but I remember going home thinking,

Heh, these boys and girls just made a mortal enemy.

I’m chuckling a bit now that I spell it out this way and also after what I’ve learnt in the time that has lapsed between now and then… But walk with me here. I can explain.

The reality is that every decision made for Christ is basically a declaration of war. Jesus has an enemy called Satan. And when you side with Jesus guess what? His enemy becomes yours too. Unfortunately, this simple fact goes unmentioned in our sermons and appeals. Ministers, informed consent applies in the decision to follow Jesus too.😅

So much of Christianity is war. Maybe not all of it. Maybe not even most of it. But a fair chunk is. However, we are often, to use a KJV translation term, offended when we meet with trouble. Maybe partly because your minister failed to include this in their appeal, but hey, read your Bible. Jesus says it bluntly and I quote, ‘ In this world, you shall have tribulation…’

The caveat of course is that trouble is inevitable in our world for everyone. And the devil is against all humanity including those who are not on Jesus’ side. But my dear Christian brethren, he brews special trouble for us.

I recognize the danger of overspiritualization of things but I believe the other extreme is equally problematic and prevalent: overmaterialization. Most of us need to give the devil more credit for our trouble than we do. Once I walked into a room and found that my friend had been crying. I asked what the matter was and the first thing she said was: Its the devil😹. She was right. And it was obviously not a laughing matter. But she’s okay.

I stand by everything I’ve written so far. Infact I believe that things are going to get worse before they get better. But I do not want you to be robbed of the joy of seeing people come to Jesus like I was that Sabbath. And so I’ve said all the above only to now say, I still want people to come to Jesus. Why?

Well, I’ve had so much trouble in my life because I’m a Christian. But I also have so much joy in my life. So much peace. So much hope. Because, and only because, I’m a Christian. And the part I left out in what Jesus said about the trouble we will have in the world is that He adds:

Be of good cheer; I have overcome the world. John 16:33

God has set up a system that is not only true and beautiful; It is also successful. Our enemy is mighty. But our God is mightier. He asserts:

KJV John 10
27 My sheep hear my voice, and I know them, and they follow me:
28 And I give unto them eternal life; and they shall never perish, neither shall any man pluck them out of my hand.
29 My Father, which gave them me, is greater than all; and no man is able to pluck them out of my Father’s hand.

The Christian is, eventually, delivered out of all his trouble. But the deliverance God gives is not the deliverance of escape but of conquest. And thus, Paul concludes Romans 8 with the rousing doxology that:

KJV Romans 8
37 Nay, in all these things we are more than conquerors through him that loved us.

In the words of Eugene Peterson;

The plows of persecution are not working and the oxherds haven’t even noticed!

And so my brethren, immense trouble lies ahead. But in its effect to separate us from our God, spoiler alert: it doesn’t work!

We were seated round this table in a restaurant on a beautiful evening. The food was good but, I confess, the conversation was better. I mean, when it comes to these minds and them put together to discuss matters of the heart, I felt like the restaurant should be the one paying us instead.

If you know me, you know I have opinions. But I was silently munching down my food as though I was starving. I wasn’t. Finally, someone says, “Daisy your silence is a point waiting to be dropped heavy. “ ( Or something along those lines). He was wrong. I was just tired of mere talk. I still am.

I’ve been in so many spaces, voiced so many opinions on this. The accolades that follow voicing profound points are inviting but now my integrity forbids it. We may be deceived to thinking that merely because we have talked about love, that we have loved. And of the guilty, I am chief. This is my frail attempt at our redemption:

C.S. Lewis famously wrote, “To love at all is to be vulnerable.” He then proceeds to say, “Love anything and your heart will be wrung and possibly broken.“

The older I get, the more the magnitude of this sets in and in all honesty, the more I realize how unwilling I am to love. My heart wrung? Broken? I’m not in for that stuff. But really, who is? And thus so few have loved.

I know you’re reading this and because of your sorority of friends, family, partner; you number yourself among the few. But I bid you to reexamine. We are seldom bold enough to completely write off relationships because deep down we know that we need them. But we dip our feet only to safe depths that should a storm start we can beat a hasty retreat.

So we can post selfies with catchy captions, attend events together, buy them gifts. But can you call them up during an anxiety attack? Do they know you feel like you’re failing? Can they hold you while you cry? We share everything except everything that really matters. We have our hearts tucked away. And if we’re bold enough to even acknowledge it we manage our need of vulnerability with therapy or the false religion that claims that having Jesus means we don’t need people. We forget that the second greatest commandment is:

KJV Matthew 22
39 …Thou shalt love thy neighbour as thyself.

If to love at all is to be vulnerable, then have we really loved?

My whole life hinges on the fact that I am a Christian. But, you see, being a Christian is synonymous to loving: God supremely, humanity impartially. We live to love.

I’m not a ‘New Year Resolutions’ enthusiast, but this year, I acknowledge and appreciate the catapult it offers to instigate change. I am choosing to be appropriately vulnerable this year. I am choosing to love. I am choosing to be like Jesus. I am choosing to be a Christian. And all these things are synonymous. Care to join me?

I then shall live as one who’s learned compassion.
I’ve been so loved, that I’ll risk loving too.
I know how fear builds walls instead of bridges;
I’ll dare to see another’s point of view.
And when relationships demand commitment,
Then I’ll be there to care and follow through.

So help me(us?) God!

I like how this hymn describes God:

I’ve found a friend, oh such a friend:
So kind and true and tender,
So wise a counselor and guide,
So mighty a Defender…

I shared this with a friend. She looked at me and said, “That same God allowed and watched Stephen being stoned.”

No worries, I forgave her and we’re still friends.

I’ll be the bold one to say: some versions of God are uncomfortable to me. I’m trying to be cordial, I promise. But worry not; I tell Him this now and then in more graphic terms. And you know what? Unlike most of us, He can handle such information. He takes it really well actually: appreciates the honesty, and then He teaches me.

We like the God that shows up for Elijah in a still, small voice more than the One who shows up in a whirlwind to Job. The One that calms the storm when you’re in the vessel more than the One that calms it after you’re in the belly of a fish. And then there’s a special category who like the God of the New Testament than the Old. (Stepping on some toes?) But they’re the same God.

We basically want a heavenly Grandfather and not a Heavenly Father.

Grandparents are the best. They give us sweets( in my case sweet bananas😅), hugs and lots of stories. But they’re too old give us a good whip when we’re getting out of hand. Suffice to say, this is not God.

The work God is accomplishing in the world is hard and protracted. The depths of depravity and deception in which we have fallen is only comprehended by Him who is the standard of righteousness and truth. Consequently, only He knows what it takes to save us.

God is not intimidated to change the trajectory of His good will merely because we will be dissapointed. He is a Father who knows when to discipline us and when to deliver us. Infact, His deliverance sometimes looks like discipline. His love is revealed in both. This is a good time to throw in a verse:

KJV Proverbs 13
24 He that spareth his rod hateth his son: but he that loveth him chasteneth him betimes.

I do not make the assumption that every hard in our lives is due to some wrongdoing on our side. Stephen’s stoning was actually the consequence of His faithfulness. But its kind of like what Paul Scherer said:

God is almost intolerably careless about crosses and swords, arenas and scaffolds, about all the “evils” and all the “plagues.” His caring doesn’t mean that He goes in for upholstering.

So, I am trying to stop wrapping God up with my explanations in the tiny box of my limited knowledge of Him. I’m trying to read all of my Bible and not just the parts that appeal to my bias. I hope you do too. And when it gets really hard, I pray we can trace the Cross.

I like being home, in the country, away from the city. The green hills punctuate the horizon, there are no skyscrapers blocking the sunset scene, the air is fresh and this morning a red rose is blooming outside my door. My daily company consists these 5 people, and they do have a special way of getting on my nerves, but it’s the good and necessary type of annoying. Then I pick up my phone to do my online rounds and then boom, FOMO. Relatable?

I’m not normally this type of person. I mean I pride myself in having quite the capacity for mundanity. I’m a ‘Joy Of Missing Out’ type of person. And really, I am the one who’s been singing the, ‘I want to home,‘ chorus to my friends for about  5 months. But now, guess who’s having FOMO? Well, not now; a couple of days ago because I refused to remain there. Suffice to say though, it is helpful as much as possible to not be surprised at yourself. That way we can all get about the business of growth. And shall we?

I am yet to hear a healthy expression of FOMO. That can be another discussion. Today,  let’s address this as an emotional illness.

It is becoming more apparent that we are losing our capacity for quiet and even, downright boredom. Developers know this. Just watching a 30-minute video is becoming a challenge for people. So now we have YouTube shorts. We want constant stimulation.

If I’m seated outside our place watching birds, I’m missing out cause someone else is on a plane for further studies overseas. If you’re in the throws of grief and can’t even take calls, you’re missing out cause your friends are at the concert. If I’m a minister, I should be in a mission somewhere in the North East than at home teaching my nine year-old about the tower of Babel, else, I’m missing out. Whose metric system is this? I believe we have been deceived.

There’s nothing wrong with further studies or good godly music or missions, but what makes them better than the other things mentioned? I hope that we learn to throw the hard questions at our feelings. I hope that our perception of reality is informed by truth and not human traditions.

The man at the top of the mountain called accomplishment, after all was said and done, under inspiration said:

KJV Ecclesiastes 3
1 To every thing there is a season, and a time to every purpose under the heaven:

Life is not a perpetual summer. We will have seasons of quiet and seasons of activity. Seasons of love and of grief. I implore you to read the whole of Ecclesiastes 3. And we must learn to preach this to ourselves.

I know for a fact that I could not handle one more metro ride by the time I was set to come home. Even if it was headed to my dream job. I am happy to be where I am now. I needed it. The quiet has rejuvenated my soul. When it’s time to go back to the city, I hope I will also be willing to embrace that season too. I am missing out on nothing! Neither now nor then.

I submit to you, that the only way you are missing out is if you are not present and faithful with where you are now. If you are, then yours, is the Joy Of Missing Out.