God and attachment styles.

How we relate with God, shows me who we think He is. In relation to the attachment theory I would like to show you our theology disoders and maybe eventually how to fix them.

Avoidant attachment style.

This style is of the “independent Christian.” It is manifested by Christians who prefer to “do for God” rather than be with God. They avoid intimacy with God, emotionally, physically and spiritually. Emotionally: they are unable to open the heart to God, unable to tell Him their cares and desires. Physically: intimacy requires privacy; they hardly find time to spend with God alone, in His word and in private prayer.

Its important to be involved in ministry, to spend time with the brethren. However, all this cannot take the place of private time with God. Christians that are aloof to a loving, relational God tend to have this attachment style. It is easy for us to treat God as our Master and forget He as well wants to be the Lover of our soul; and these two are not in tension.

Anxious attachment style.

Anxious attachment style in the God-man relationship, is the worried Christian. They are afraid of rejection, they are afraid of sinning and sadly being afraid of sin doesn’t prevent you from sinning. And so when they sin, they flee from God instead of coming. They may also constantly seek validation from other Christians so that they feel that they belong. There is so much comparison with others and unfortunately this makes them proud or depressed.

Dear anxious Christian, I would like you to know that you are fully known, seen, loved and accepted by God. He has grace enough for you. He came to love and not condemn. He will not teach you to merely fear sin. He teaches us to hate sin and to love righteousness. And lastly you should know, you can never burden Him with your needs.

Disorganized attachment style.

This is a mixture of both avoidant and anxious attachment styles. They believe that they’ll always be rejected, but they don’t avoid emotional intimacy. They fear it, and they also consistently seek it out, only to reject it again. Christians who are like this have mostly experienced traumatic disappointment in the past, where they feel God should have come through but He supposedly didn’t. They are in limbo because life, and ultimately God seems unpredictable.

It expedient for this group to realize that God is both loving and able. In Him there is no shadow of turning. If you cannot trace His hand you have to trust His heart. And that the Christian race is very predictable, because we know how it ends, we already win. As long as the head is upward lifted, and the anchor is cast on the Rock, the end is sure.

Secure attachment style.

This should be our ultimate goal. The place where we are able to communicate freely with God, able to trust Him, He is our first resort in trouble or triumphs.

But how? You see, our attachment styles are a result of our idea of who God is. And our understanding of who God is direly affects how we relate to Him, it affects our relationship with Him. It is true that, we may manifest the disorder styles unconsciously, but the goal I’m sure is that we all grow towards the secure one. And that, requires intentionality.

I am basically campaigning for true healthy theology. Eternal life is to know God. Thank goodness, that our God is terrible at hide and seek in the sense that He is not a good hider. He does not hide. All over His creation He has left traces of Him. We have His word, the Bible, with us to be a lamp unto our feet. The problem is that we have placed the words of men where a ‘Thus saith the Lord’ should be.

God is willing to be known. We are often just not willing to search for Him.

KJV Deuteronomy 4
29 But if from thence thou shalt seek the LORD thy God, thou shalt find him, if thou seek him with all thy heart and with all thy soul.