Author: Soulsunshine.

How we relate with God, shows me who we think He is. In relation to the attachment theory I would like to show you our theology disoders and maybe eventually how to fix them.

Avoidant attachment style.

This style is of the “independent Christian.” It is manifested by Christians who prefer to “do for God” rather than be with God. They avoid intimacy with God, emotionally, physically and spiritually. Emotionally: they are unable to open the heart to God, unable to tell Him their cares and desires. Physically: intimacy requires privacy; they hardly find time to spend with God alone, in His word and in private prayer.

Its important to be involved in ministry, to spend time with the brethren. However, all this cannot take the place of private time with God. Christians that are aloof to a loving, relational God tend to have this attachment style. It is easy for us to treat God as our Master and forget He as well wants to be the Lover of our soul; and these two are not in tension.

Anxious attachment style.

Anxious attachment style in the God-man relationship, is the worried Christian. They are afraid of rejection, they are afraid of sinning and sadly being afraid of sin doesn’t prevent you from sinning. And so when they sin, they flee from God instead of coming. They may also constantly seek validation from other Christians so that they feel that they belong. There is so much comparison with others and unfortunately this makes them proud or depressed.

Dear anxious Christian, I would like you to know that you are fully known, seen, loved and accepted by God. He has grace enough for you. He came to love and not condemn. He will not teach you to merely fear sin. He teaches us to hate sin and to love righteousness. And lastly you should know, you can never burden Him with your needs.

Disorganized attachment style.

This is a mixture of both avoidant and anxious attachment styles. They believe that they’ll always be rejected, but they don’t avoid emotional intimacy. They fear it, and they also consistently seek it out, only to reject it again. Christians who are like this have mostly experienced traumatic disappointment in the past, where they feel God should have come through but He supposedly didn’t. They are in limbo because life, and ultimately God seems unpredictable.

It expedient for this group to realize that God is both loving and able. In Him there is no shadow of turning. If you cannot trace His hand you have to trust His heart. And that the Christian race is very predictable, because we know how it ends, we already win. As long as the head is upward lifted, and the anchor is cast on the Rock, the end is sure.

Secure attachment style.

This should be our ultimate goal. The place where we are able to communicate freely with God, able to trust Him, He is our first resort in trouble or triumphs.

But how? You see, our attachment styles are a result of our idea of who God is. And our understanding of who God is direly affects how we relate to Him, it affects our relationship with Him. It is true that, we may manifest the disorder styles unconsciously, but the goal I’m sure is that we all grow towards the secure one. And that, requires intentionality.

I am basically campaigning for true healthy theology. Eternal life is to know God. Thank goodness, that our God is terrible at hide and seek in the sense that He is not a good hider. He does not hide. All over His creation He has left traces of Him. We have His word, the Bible, with us to be a lamp unto our feet. The problem is that we have placed the words of men where a ‘Thus saith the Lord’ should be.

God is willing to be known. We are often just not willing to search for Him.

KJV Deuteronomy 4
29 But if from thence thou shalt seek the LORD thy God, thou shalt find him, if thou seek him with all thy heart and with all thy soul.

There’s a weep, a cry;
A need, a sigh.
Midst the darkness, she bows
In the blackness, she’s bound
Or don’t you know?
Don’t you know how guilt molests
How it leaves hearts desolate of rest
As you draw near, your can hear her teeth rattle,
As for peace she battles.

Come now, let me show you, let me take you
For there’s a garden, I tell you, And there’s a Man who weeps too..
There’s a strain in His brow, as He too bows neath the laws and vows He swore to keep.
And as He lays there, your sin was made bare
The price is expensive.
Even so, His prayer is assertive, to carry out His Father’s motive.

And now that moment is past, He shakes off the dust.
A calm now rests on His face, and He goes out to finish the race.
And as He’s hanged on the cross, by hands full of dross,
His mind does not falter, His course He does not alter, He lays Himself on that altar.

Truth is He saw.
He saw her, down through the sands of time,
He said, its her life or mine
And today as she’s kneeling, I hope she recalls His blood that’s healing
Today as she wonders whether her case is settled,
I hope she remembers that the Master wrestled
And yes, He won the battle.

https://drive.google.com/file/d/165a22EuILndZguzhOVt6bjPkXhF39oRO/view?usp=drivesdk (AUDIO VERSION)

“Sin masters in the art of separation. You have probably felt pangs of pain every time you have had to face God after you’ve sinned. This experience has led me to understand something about Christ in Gethsemane. Truth is, every time guilt thrushes into our relationship with God due to sin, we experience a fraction of a fraction of Christ in Gethsemane. He bore your guilt, and of billions others in that one night. Yet for Him there was no escape, that for you there maybe one.”

Today, is the last on this series of #Godfortakeaway where I have been voicing, rather penning down, my reflections on God. So today we’ll be looking at God in waiting. And this is our reflection verse:

KJV Psalms 103
14 For he knoweth our frame; he remembereth that we are dust.

God is portrayed in the prodigal son narrative as the Father who is ever waiting for His son. Now one thing about God is that He is self-conscious, which is a good thing. He knows who He is and He knows the power He possess. Christ(God incarnate/God in the flesh) therefore testifies Himself thus:

KJV John 14
6 Jesus saith unto him, I am the way, the truth, and the life: no man cometh unto the Father, but by me.

So I want us to focus on Him being the life and on that I would like us to consider these words of CS Lewis:

If you want to get warm you must stand near the fire: if you want to be wet you must get into the water. If you want joy, power, peace, eternal life, you must get close to, or even into, the thing that has them.

CS Lewis

My argument/reflection is this: that God knows He is the source of life and its fullness, therefore, He knows that if we have moved away from Him, ours will be death in all its forms and fullness. Therefore if He is awaiting a prodigal, who has wandered from Him, He is not expecting anything high. Far from that. He knows our frame. He remembers we are but dust.

God is not surprised when sinners sin. He understands the depths of depravity to which sin has led us to, even more than we do. And Hallelujah, He also knows how much it takes to redeem us.

Most of us have a problem coming to God because we think He expects righteousness and goodness from us. Now, God expects righteousness, but not from us, and especially not when we are still far from Him. Consider:

Christ is waiting with longing desire for the manifestation of Himself in His church. When the character of Christ shall be perfectly reproduced in His people, then He will come to claim them as His own. COL 69.1

KJV Isaiah 42
6 I the LORD have called thee in righteousness, and will hold thine hand, and will keep thee, and give thee for a covenant of the people, for a light of the Gentiles;

The righteousness of Christ, the actual life of Christ, is to be lived by all the people He has called. But this expectation is not dependent on our strength but on His Omnipotence(He is all-powerful).

God is in waiting for a poor, wretched, blind sinner. And the only thing He asks, is that we draw near to the fire that we get warm. To draw near to the source of life that we may obtain it. How? Well, how do you build a relationship? Communication, trust and obedience automatically follows.

I don’t know about you, but I want to go home. Yet my God awaits me more than I have waited for Him and His appearing. The bridegroom is the one that awaits the bride, dear reader. And He has waited long enough. Make Him wait no longer, go out and meet Him.

#Godfortakeaway.

If you’re familiar with the text of scripture, you probably know the “love chapter” ( just in case you don’t, I’ll tell you😅 1Corinthians 13). Its a very definitive work on love. Yet when we talk about God in love, its hard to know where to start or end. “The love of God is greater far than tongue or pen can ever tell,” says one writer. But we can focus on one that has been my experience. Let’s reflect.😊

So no, this one is not going to be all rosy, or looking like some honeymoon in the Maldives. No. And some of us (some of us is me😅) are sometimes not comfortable with this part of love. So this is my/our reflection text today:

KJV Revelation 3
19 As many as I love, I rebuke and chasten: be zealous therefore, and repent.

God in love, can look like a sunny day, an answered prayer, good health, a blossoming flower. And it also look like a stern rebuke, a delayed prayer, a rainy day. And these are not in tension.

I wanted to sound really fairytale-like today. I asked God to help me show you(and me), you know, the narrative of how we are undeserving and how He’s awesome in taking us up and loving us. But all I got was this. Yet He is a Master at giving treasure out of darkness. So how do we deal with rebuke.

Many of us have the babygirl syndrome. (Many of us again is me😅). How you ask? How did/do you like it when you have to face the rod after a mistake. I have this saying that goes, you can never get used to pain. Personally, pain is always pain and always painful and I don’t think I was made for pain. Yet God is said to reveal His love through chastenings and rebukes. Why? Let’s go to the “Love chapter.”

KJV 1 Corinthians 13
6 Love Rejoiceth not in iniquity, but rejoiceth in the truth;

And sometimes, the truth about us is not always cute. Sometimes we are unreasonable, selfish, vain, petty, disrespectful etc.

But think about it. Do you go around rebuking, confronting and calling out strangers for their mistakes? I think not. I think, most of the time confrontation occurs after a certain level of intimacy. That is why, the context of the text we’re reflecting on is God’s message to the church/His people.

So God in love can look like Psalm 103:

KJV Psalms 103
11 For as the heaven is high above the earth, so great is his mercy toward them that fear him.
12 As far as the east is from the west, so far hath he removed our transgressions from us.
13 Like as a father pitieth his children, so the LORD pitieth them that fear him.
Go read the whole of it.

And God in love also looks like Psalm 50

KJV Psalms 50
16 But unto the wicked God saith, What hast thou to do to declare my statutes, or that thou shouldest take my covenant in thy mouth?
17 Seeing thou hatest instruction, and castest my words behind thee.
18 When thou sawest a thief, then thou consentedst with him, and hast been partaker with adulterers.
19 Thou givest thy mouth to evil, and thy tongue frameth deceit.
20 Thou sittest and speakest against thy brother; thou slanderest thine own mother’s son.(Go read all of it)

God speaks to us in blessings bestowed, but when these are slighted He speaks to us in blessings withdrawn. His love is revealed in His rebukes. When He entrusts His chastenings upon us, it is because He has already revealed love so magnificent that based on that, we may receive rebukes, as from a Fathers hand. His love can never leave us as we are.

I finish with the words of Timothy Keller that;

Love without truth is sentimentality; it supports and affirms us but keeps us in denial about our flaws. Truth without love is harshness; it gives us information but in such a way that we cannot really hear it.

#Godfortakeaway.

Have you ever been to a restaurant and had very good food but you couldn’t finish it. You probably then said to the waiter/waitress that they should pack it? You know, takeaway? Well I think we should also be having God for takeaway. You see, we often just meet Him on the one day of worship, or twice each day for a 30 minute devotion. But how often do we actually take to just reflect or chew on His words? That’s what this series is about and these are going to be my reflections, and I’m sharing to probably make you go reflect as well. You know, takeaway?

So I’ve been reflecting on this verse here;

KJV Exodus 19
4 Ye have seen what I did unto the Egyptians, and how I bare you on eagles’ wings, and brought you unto myself.

And its beautiful right? Consider this.. How long have you been walking with the Master. Maybe take time to recount your steps. Can you recall the “I do” moment, when it all began? I think we should do that more often. Just considering how far we’ve come with God. Its crazy right? Do you recognize the change? You are probably (hopefully) not the same. You have grown. And God says, consider how I have borne you on eagle’s wings, and brought you unto myself.

As beautiful as that looks, and without watering it down, consider where you’re at now. The ideal( hopefully reality) is that the longer the walk, the closer you have drawn to the Savior. Let me be bolder and use first person. The closer I draw to my Savior, the more I see my own folly. The more grievous my sins look. And its harder when you realize you’re actually hurting your close Friend. I mean, do you sometimes just get tired of sinning but then, you can’t help it? It has become a vicious cycle and you’ve been struggling with one sin for seemingly far too long?

As I was thinking on this, I remembered this game called, “How low can you go” or limbo… And if you’ve not played ( you should), I will insert the image but basically you have to continue bending backwards under the bar as it goes down until we find the one who can go lowest.

Well, maybe this is what God has been in the business of, only, its not been a game. Him looking for us, and, you know bearing us on eagle’s wings, has had Him going deeper and deeper to the extent that He became like us(flesh and blood) to reach us. Let’s look at another text:

KJV Nehemiah 1
9 But if ye turn unto me, and keep my commandments, and do them; though there were of you cast out unto the uttermost part of the heaven, yet will I gather them from thence, and will bring them unto the place that I have chosen to set my name there.

And when He says, the uttermost, He means uttermost. Yet not only did He go to such depths to look for us(He still does even today), but consider;

KJV Hebrews 2
18 For in that he himself hath suffered being tempted, he is able to succour them that are tempted.

The God that has entered into our experience that He may look for and ransom us from death, has also been tempted more than we ever shall be, that He knows how much grace you need in your temptations, and He affirms, His grace is sufficient.

His standards are high and unwavering yet so is His strength to help us. As I was considering this, I was led to read Psalms and, look at what it says:

KJV Psalms 32
8 I will instruct thee and teach thee in the way which thou shalt go: I will guide thee with mine eye.

So I have calmed and quitened myself, in the power of His keeping. Because He does not bite off more than He can chew. As He was able to bring me to Himself, He is able to keep me in Him.

KJV Jude 1
24 Now unto him that is able to keep you from falling, and to present you faultless before the presence of his glory with exceeding joy,

We need to believe in His love that has searched for us and His power to keep us in Him, if we let Him.

When sin asks, How low can You go? Our Saviour says; From the guttermost to the uttermost!

#Godfortakeaway.

In the last victim statement of Larry Nassar’s court hearing, Rachael Denhollander asked, ‘what is a little girl worth?’ It is a question that strikes deep in the hearts of all those who could have stopped all those years of sexual abuse of gymnasts and threatens to wreak havoc.

Maybe today I want to let havoc wreak. I want to run my fingers through to the depths of your heart, and ask, what are you worth? What is your worth?

Now there is tension in the room. Now everyone has a scale in their mind to weigh worth. Now you are trying to predict my answer to this question. You need not turn into self proclaimed prophets/esses, yes, I want to answer you or for those with answers maybe persuade you otherwise if need be.

I realize as I take on this excursion that much is at stake. Why? Because if we answer the question of worth, we answer the fundamental question of the human heart which is “why I’m I here?” We answer the purpose question.

I see so much hopelessness in the world, in young souls and my spirit is troubled. People do not know their worth. It is no wonder we go about life haphazardly, no wonder there is so much recklessness, suicide, pride and all unimaginable despicable lifestyle.

What is the worth of flesh, blood and bones, with emotions, desires and whatever else we’re made of? My answer is twofold.

Our worth? In and around ourselves we are nothing. And our creator gets it and thus His word says..

KJV Psalms 103
14 For he knoweth our frame; he remembereth that we are dust.
15 As for man, his days are as grass: as a flower of the field, so he flourisheth.
16 For the wind passeth over it, and it is gone; and the place thereof shall know it no more.

Oh how fleeting our days, how pitiful our frame. And even our deemed good is filthy rags. If we first understand this, it would solve half of our problems. We would cease to have the Babel problem. The men that said, “let us go and make a name for ourselves.” All our attempt in this is futile and ridiculous. The specks of achievements we garner will be said of us at it was for them, that the monument to their pride was the memorial of their folly.

But as it is, worthlessness is expensive. It has cost God everything to redeem us. The very life of Him who is life. It made, for a season one who was infinite, finite. But thank God, that it was expensive and not impossible.

So what is the conclusion of the matter? That we are not an emblem of our success nor failure. Those are not what truly define us. Because if we look at self, we will be proud or discouraged. We are to keep the eye single to Christ. There, there is no vain pride nor needless despondency. In Him we will see both our worthlessness and our worth. In Him is a constant not dependent on anyone’s feelings or opinions.

The price of worthlessness is paid. Thus I want to make some suggestions. If we are to claim this redemption, we are to cease living as we were in our worthless state. If this is to be the good news, I want to also claim its refinement power.

Above any other system, education or lifestyle, I believe the gospel exults in its power to refine. I believe in its power to hewn every crooked edge, to smooth every course surface, to level every skewed line.

Our worthlessness is expensive, but the price is paid. Believe it, Live it, Share it.

I saw a statement that said,” Grief is love that has nowhere to go.” As I bring myself to pen this down, you should know that this has been just a series of thoughts. However, I hope that you can make sense of it.

Love. Hasn’t this word made the world go mad. So to state the obvious, there is an inherent need in humanity to love and be loved. And isn’t love beautiful? Isn’t it a sight to behold, to see love in display? And I’m not just talking about how God has loved us. It is beautiful to even see love of one human to another. This is what I want us to consider. As beautiful as all this is, yet oh what a fearful thing, to love what death can touch.

You see, everyone you love has a 100% chance of dying, at least if Christ would not have come. This is not a threat. People don’t want to hear this obvious truth. We intentionally choose ignorance when it comes to this. But I don’t believe in the bliss of ignorance. Truth is not comfortable but it is always liberating.

So what I’m I suggesting? That we don’t love? Verily not! But I want us to love with understanding. To love acknowledging the vulnerability which love exposes us to. Human life as it is is slippery. And as it stands, the more you tighten your grip on something slippery, the easier you lose hold of it.

With that being said, grief seems inevitable. Grief is not easy. Sometimes you feel like the pain would kill you. And even after you move from the constant state of grieving to the once in a while, when it comes, it is still quite painful. Even so, there is a danger that comes with grief or looming death… This is what I’m addressing today.

Atul Gawande, in a speech about his book, “Being mortal” does an extensive study on what really matters in the end. He explains in a particular study, people who are pre-informed about their death( like in cases of chronic illnesses), would want more to gravitate towards closeness with the people they love. I am suggesting that grief can also do this to you. Grief can either draw you closer to your loved ones or some people tend to now fear getting attached, that is they detach for fear of getting hurt.

But to love out of fear is not to love at all. To love out of fear is to grip on something slippery, which might cause you to likely lose than gain. There is no joy in loving because you’re afraid of losing. It will instead cause anxiety and more anguish to the heart.

KJV 1 John 4
18 There is no fear in love; but perfect love casteth out fear: because fear hath torment. He that feareth is not made perfect in love.

So what do you do?

True love has its source from He who is love. And we can only love because He has loved us(1John 4:19). So He chooses to love with all its vulnerability. When we love out of fear, we seek our own;we are afraid of our own hearts. True love seeks not its own. Then we must ask that He teaches us how to love.

The Christian hope of resurrection has been a constant comfort in grief. However, to be honest, it has been hard for me. Why? Because truly, I don’t know if my loved ones that slept, slept in the Lord. I still have hope by the mere fact that I’m alive, but for them, the pen of history is dry. The only comfort I have found is judgement. Judgement? Yes. I have found comfort in entrusting their judgement to Him who is both just and loving and knowing that He loves them more than I did.

I conclude with the words of this song, that have brought healing balm;

“Oh my soul, claim nothing as your own. For you, their is God, and God alone!“

Humanity up to now can be justifiably termed as the staggering burden of needless bloodshed. And it may be easy to wage war against an enemy but quite difficult against a friend. However the greatest battle ever waged is against self. And to fight against pride is definitely to fight against self.

For clarity’s sake this is the definition of the pride I’m talking about, “an excessive preoccupation with self and one’s own importance, achievements, status, or possessions. ”

It is hard to deal with pride because we feel like it comes naturally with the fallen nature. Pride, however, as any other sin is described as the transgression of the law of love(to love God supremely and mankind genuinely). Sin is a choice to disobey and only the understanding of this can make obedience possible. Once we get that, then we acknowledge we need Christ to help us obey. This is because when sin is presented to us, it is always presented with the plausible idea to bring us into a higher state of existence. The result is however, always fatal to our happiness and even life itself.

It has been an eye opening thing for me to discover how pride is a result of a series of wrong thoughts we accept to think. It is my intention today, to share them with you to help you in your battle against pride, against self, your greatest battle. Pride sucks the color out of life. It places people in a constant state of competition, discontentment and ultimately unhappiness.

The first thought that you need to banish out of the mind is that a position sanctifies its holder. It is among the greatest heresies that has pervaded our society. Having a managerial position at work doesn’t make someone a good manager, being the top student doesn’t mean the student knows everything and neither does being a pastor mean that someone is more spiritual or closer to God. Positions are given either officially or merely implied. When we see ourselves as defined by our position, it gives us an entitlement and in that particular sphere we deem ourselves better than others. Influence however is not a privilege of position, its a corollary of character.

My second and latest discovery is that pride is also likely to be birthed in people with low self-worth. This then results in comparing our every little achievement with others, and every little achievement works like an elevator, to lift one up above everyone else. Pride is still not a good thing even in this “antidote case”. This person has not come to rightly value themselves because their worth is placed in tension with others. They will remain in constant state of either working to remain in glory’s view or lie about their achievements.

How detrimental this is to happiness because life is filled with both highs and lows. So failure will be fatally depressing to such individuals. Their lives will be innumerably cumbersome with no rest for their souls.

In your struggle against pride, take the Man of Calvary as your help. Though rightly deserving the title of “Master” he showed that the highest position is that of a servant. So even while they called Him Lord, He was down washing their feet.

When the question of His worth came up, He remembered His Father’s word that, “This is my Son, with whom I am well pleased”. And by His humanity, we have also been adopted to royalty and that is our worth! Sons and daughters of God, equal in His sight.

Jesus, is willing to help you overcome your pride. I hope you let Him, I hope He will become your vision.

Lastly practise gratitude and try complementing other people when they do good. These practical applications will go a long way to help, but only after heart surgery by the Great Physician that good works only follow good will for others.